Girl On Self-Discovery Journey Has Yet To Discover She’s A Bitch

LOS ANGELES — After a full two and a half months, Sarah Myers has officially returned from “Sarah’s Self-Discovery Journey,” yet she did not seem to discover her own awfulness. “Every morning I woke up, played Call Her Daddy, and said my affirmations: ‘I’m the main character in this story,’” Myers told the Enabler while sipping her $50 Erewhon smoothie. “I worked really hard to be a true empath and practice radical honesty. Some people think it’s mean, but my astrological chart told me that I will find comfort in others’ discomfort.” At press time, Myers was seen “protecting her peace” by yelling at a crying baby.

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About Ava Abrishamchian 6 Articles
Ava Abrishamchian, not Ayvuh you dip-shit. Her writing is sub par at best and her timing is even worse. She peaked in high school, and she still has not recovered. Believe me... somewhere in this hospital, the anguished "oink" of Pig-Man cries out for help.