UCLA
Opinion: Stop Asking To Switch Out Of Your Friday 8AM, Everyone Else Is Hungover Too
The start of the quarter is rough for all of us, let’s admit it. An end to a seemingly endless interlude from reality, our first […]
The Enabler Reports: Zip It, Gamgam! America’s New Epidemic Of Lippy Elders
“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up?” More like, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t SHUT UP!” Subtle disses by the frail hands of elders have […]
Biden Makes Crucial Mistake In Pardoning Turkey, Accidentally Pardons Human Son
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, President Joe Biden has officially pardoned his son Hunter Biden from a series of federal tax […]
Opinion: We Give Up, Wrap Your Own Spotify
What the hell do you want from us? Do you know how annoying you sound in our DMs right now? “Oh, when’s Wrapped coming out? […]
“Let’s Have A Friendsgiving!” Says Friend Group Just As Dysfunctional As Your Family
WESTWOOD — This morning, local friend and insane person Sam Man dropped a bombshell in the groupchat as he suggested that they all get together […]
Opinion: I Need To Fuck Someone With A Scooter
Look, I’m over it. UCLA is basically an Olympic endurance course disguised as an academic institution. From walking up Bruin Walk to climbing the Death […]
Breaking: Every Bitch Is From The Bay Area
WESTWOOD — After a thorough examination of UCLA’s student population, it has been concluded that every bitch is from the Bay Area. “Every time I […]
University Shuts Down Jewish Sukkot To Protect Jewish Students
WESTWOOD — This Monday evening, UCLA Administration once again reinforced their commitment to protecting Jewish community on campus by tearing down the sukkah that was […]