UCLA To Offer Off Campus Meal Plan For Those “Willing To Pay The Price”

WESTWOOD — Late, late last night, Frank Ghoulish, UCLA Viceroy of Meals and Eating, announced that the 2022-23 school year would see the return of meal plans for off-campus students and faculty. “Anyone can dine, provided they know the taste of sacrifice,” said Ghoulish, before reciting unholy incantations and choking on a thick, black liquid. “This is the proudest day of my 108 terms at UCLA.” The staff at the Enabler will provide an update tonight, after Mr. Ghoulish has us all for dinner at his private residence.

About Lucas Humel 8 Articles
Lucas Humel is a middle aged divorcé with no known affiliation to the university. We are unaware of how he was able to get in contact with Enabler staff, and he refuses to tell us. He brings a steaming hot apple pie with an old fashioned wedge of cheddar on the side to every meeting and eats all of it before leaving in silence.