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UCLA

small children in blue shirts playing football

UCLA Football Salvages Season With Win Over Brentwood Elementary Pee-Wee Football Team

November 29, 2023 Josh Dittrich 0

ROSE BOWL — UCLA Football ended its season on a positive note following their late fourth-quarter comeback against the Brentwood Elementary Pee-Wee Football Team. “What […]

Cartoon dinosaur wearing sunglasses and playing the electric guitar.

“What’s The World’s Smartest Dinosaur? A Thesaurus!” And 3 Other Silly Jokes About Dinosaurs And Thesauruses To Impress Your Unresponsive Father

November 26, 2023 Harry Song 0

Just a well-written joke all around! The multiple synonyms at the end really make that punchline hit hard, and your father will definitely see that […]

White, blond man smiling

Golden Retriever Energy! Man Diagnosed With Bone Cancer

November 26, 2023 Elena Whitlock 0

RONALD REAGAN HOSPITAL — Local resident John Smith, a boyish man whose off-putting Hinge bio describes him as having “golden retriever energy,” has recently received […]

Ackerman Union’s Cheddar News Goes Bankrupt, Now Mozzarella Media

November 22, 2023 Cynthia Tran 0

WESTWOOD — Cheddar News, the news channel displayed on Ackerman Union’s TVs, declared their bankruptcy today with plans to become Mozzarella Media. “Although it is […]

Gladiator in UCLA garb slays a USC gladiator

Rivalry Game Held at Actual Coliseum, Features Deadly Gladiatorial Combat

November 20, 2023 Matthew Graves 0

ROME — Football fans were shocked on Saturday when this year’s “Battle for LA” did not take place in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, but […]

Silhouette of a person singing in the shower with a microphone.

Record Label Signs Hedrick Hall Shower Singer

November 17, 2023 Ella Cash 0

LA LA LAND — After a scramble for one of the most sought-after, up-and-coming artists, We The Best Music Group has secured a lucrative deal […]

Old man holding lantern in dark room.

Report: Strange Things Afoot

November 10, 2023 Georgia McNeill 0

BAKERSFIELD — After an increase in sightings of shadowy figures and odd characters, many are beginning to believe that strange things are afoot. “The curse… […]

“I Love Camping!” This Student Has Been In A Freebies Line Since Yesterday

November 9, 2023 Cynthia Tran 0

WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Psychology major and camping enthusiast Abby Nguyen was spotted today on her latest excursion: a freebies line in Bruin Plaza. “Waiting in […]

Business people shaking hands

Biz Econ Major’s “Connections” Actually Just Parents

November 2, 2023 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Business Economics major Cornelius “Chad” Getty recently revealed that the “connections” that got him his job were actually just his parents. “I […]

Interesting: That 7-Month Stretch Was Actually A Situationship

November 2, 2023 Ava Allam 0

WESTWOOD — As third-year English major Anne Cloyne checked fellow student and love interest Robert Dikk’s Snapchat score for the fifth time in ten minutes, […]

Posts pagination

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  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research

    WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]

  • Opinion: Suck It, Pre-Meds! Now We’re All Going To Be Unemployed

    It finally happened. Despite being so against equity and inclusion, Trump finally did something to level the playing field between you pre-meds and us humanities, […]

  • Roommate Unable To Clean Dorm Because Floor Is Lava

    WESTWOOOD – In an emergency press conference inside your dorm today, your roommate announced they are unable to clean because the floor is lava. “I […]

  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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