Quirky! Indie Kid Records Concert On 3DS
LOS ANGELES – While waiting for the Tyler, the Creator concert to begin, one indie kid made it his life’s mission to record the entire […]
satire
Ruh Roh! Scooby-Doo Put Down
OHIO — Tragedy struck this morning as beloved speech-impaired dog Scooby-Doo was put down. “He, like, mauled an old guy for pretending he was a […]
4 Things I Refuse To Apologize For After Being Held Hostage By The Pirates Of The Caribbean Animatronics For 93 Days
At first, I was ashamed. I was mortified. For years and years I hid in the shadows. I felt… embarrassed. I was embarrassed by all […]
Heartbreaking: Newborn Really Named Kyle
JACKSONVILLE, FL — New “boy mom” Karen Shields recently shocked her Facebook friends by announcing the birth of her terribly named son, Kyle. “When my […]
Opinion: Stop Asking To Switch Out Of Your Friday 8AM, Everyone Else Is Hungover Too
The start of the quarter is rough for all of us, let’s admit it. An end to a seemingly endless interlude from reality, our first […]
State Government Grants $5 Kohl’s Cash Stimulus To Fire Victims
WASHINGTON D.C. — Today, President Biden promised that all victims of the ongoing Southern California fires can expect to receive $5 Kohl’s Cash in their […]
Gift Of Prophecy? Californians Glad They Voted To Keep Inmate Firefighters Enslaved
CALIFORNIA — As Southern California wildfires stretch non-incarcerated fire crews thin, Democrats and Republicans alike are applauding their foresight in voting against Proposition 6, which would […]
Opinion: I’m Evacuating With My Custom Fantasy Tentacle Dildo And That’s IT
The Woke Snowflake Blue-Haired Microbangs Shaved Head SJW SJP Left keep posting “helpful evacuation packing lists,” and it’s frankly pissing me off. If this is […]
The Enabler Reports: Zip It, Gamgam! America’s New Epidemic Of Lippy Elders
“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up?” More like, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t SHUT UP!” Subtle disses by the frail hands of elders have […]