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Articles by Rachana Aithal

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About Rachana Aithal
Rachana Aithal pops in and out, like the titular mole in the popular arcade game, Whac-A-Mole.

Trump’s $1 Billion Settlement Shuts Down The Westwood Enabler

August 9, 2025 Rachana Aithal 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Westwood Enabler has been shut down. On Friday, the Trump administration sent UCLA their proposal for a $1 billion settlement, in […]

Gift Of Prophecy? Californians Glad They Voted To Keep Inmate Firefighters Enslaved

January 10, 2025 Rachana Aithal 0

CALIFORNIA — As Southern California wildfires stretch non-incarcerated fire crews thin, Democrats and Republicans alike are applauding their foresight in voting against Proposition 6, which would […]

Matt Gaetz Celebrates Attorney General Nomination At High School Party

November 13, 2024 Rachana Aithal 0

Biden Announces He Is Out In Late Pride Month Confession

July 21, 2024 Rachana Aithal 0

Racism Ends

December 28, 2023 Rachana Aithal 0
  • Survey Finds Candy With Razors Actually Awesome

    WESTWOOD — A recent survey conducted by people who aren’t “fucking pussies” has concluded that putting razors in candy is actually sick as hell. “I […]

  • Vampire Draws Line At Period Sex

    WESTWOOD — Local bloodsucker and thousandth-year religion student Vlad Cullen was seen insisting to his suitors he was down for almost anything in the bedroom, […]

  • Companies Are Desperate For Spring Interns: Just Not You, Specifically

    WESTWOOD — Companies are searching far and wide for driven UCLA students to help out over the spring, just not you. Yeah, you. Reading this […]

  • De Neve Oyster Night Ends As Expected

    WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday night, what was supposed to be a celebratory evening with unlimited raw bivalves at the least refined dining hall ended in […]

  • See You Later, Boy: Skater Boys Replaced By “Scooter Boys”

    WESTWOOD — Folks all across campus have been saying “see you later, boy” to the skater boy, and hello to the scooter boy, who has […]

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