Heartbreaking: Newborn Really Named Kyle

JACKSONVILLE, FL — New “boy mom” Karen Shields recently shocked her Facebook friends by announcing the birth of her terribly named son, Kyle. “When my baby was born with a backwards baseball cap on and a can of Monster Energy in his left hand, I just knew he had a bright future yelling slurs in Call of Duty ahead of him,” said Shields, drinking while pregnant. “Plus, have you ever seen an old guy named Kyle? Exactly. My little shithead’s gonna be a trailblazer for all the Kyles in the world, unless he dies at 30 in some freak alligator accident.” At press time, Shields was seen preparing a list of baby names for her second child, which included the name Kaiyeleighx.