Professor Requiring Students To Purchase Her Divorce Memoir
WESTWOOD — Students in Professor Carol Williams’ Chemistry class were dismayed to learn Tuesday that 75% of their grade would consist of reading quizzes on […]
Area Dog Puts Human As Last Tinder Profile Picture
WESTWOOF — Local pup Daw Gee took to the streets Monday and made a Tinder for himself, making sure to put a shot of his […]
Punching Down: Short King Victims Speak Out
WESTWOOD — The tempers of Short Kings everywhere are at an all time medium today, as recent instances of vertically-motivated violence have given a much […]
Screaming, Crying, Throwing Up: Learn To Spot The Symptoms Of E. coli
WESTWOOD — The CDC is reportedly concerned that signs of E. coli are being confused with reactions by some members of the public to recent […]
Haunted House On The Hill Just Classic Triple Inhabited By Three Men
WESTWOOD— In a whirlwind of festivity, the UCLA On-Campus Housing Council has decided to celebrate the spooky holiday season with their very own haunted house […]
England Collapses, Becomes East Wales
EAST WALES, BRITAIN— Following the recent death, resignation, or otherwise incapacitation of several of England’s most influential old white conservatives, the former global power has […]
Hurricane Warning Issued To De Neve Holly Residents
WESTWOOD — Students living in De Neve Holly woke up in a fright yesterday as they encountered flash flooding, humidity, and massive rain storms throughout […]
Opinion: The Westwood Enabler Will Never Be UCLAFits
WESTWOOD — Picture this: you’re a cool UCLA undergraduate, class of 2023. You’re bored. You open Instagram in search of entertainment. Do you go to […]
Report: Classmate Who Is “Bad With Names” Actually Despises You
WESTWOOD — Enabler reporters have confirmed that the classmate who still has not learned your name after four weeks harbors a deep and profound hatred […]
Incredible: Professor Using Just One Website For All Course Content
WESTWOOD — Students and professors alike were shocked to learn Thursday that Professor Amanda Chen uses only the premade Bruin Learn page for all lectures, […]