WESTWOOD — Picture this: you’re a cool UCLA undergraduate, class of 2023. You’re bored. You open Instagram in search of entertainment. Do you go to @WestwoodEnabler, have a chuckle at our rustically charming icon, scroll through headlines and swipe to read the full articles? No. Of course not. You go to @uclafits and look through their esoteric memes and pictures of art majors taken at an intense downward angle. You spend ten full minutes watching their entire story and learning intimate details about the lives of these people you’ve never met. And you love every damn minute of it.
Who are we even kidding? We will never be uclafits. Our comedy is laborious. We make our graphics in Photoshop. Photoshop! Meanwhile, UCLAfits is doing numbers with Instagram Create Mode. The Westwood Enabler will never achieve the perfect blend of irony and affection, scandal and mundanity, creativity and skill that keeps UCLAfits on top of the Instagram game. Compared to them, we look like @BarstoolWestwood.
If you’re confused about what I’m talking about, don’t worry honey. Just keep reading our articles. Blow air out of your nose extra hard when one of our headlines tickles your funny bone. We are the coolest people you know. And please, if you ever happen upon uclafits, just know that we’ve had a great time entertaining you, and now it’s time for you to move on.