Report: Classmate Who Is “Bad With Names” Actually Despises You

WESTWOOD — Enabler reporters have confirmed that the classmate who still has not learned your name after four weeks harbors a deep and profound hatred for you. “As soon as you sat next to me in lecture, I felt rage like nothing I’d ever felt before. I had to find some way to torture you,” said your classmate, who has you saved in their phone as “Human Garbage (Psych 100B).” “Every time I call you by the wrong name, I take away a piece of your humanity. Mark my words, I will destroy you.” At press time, your classmate was asking for just the first letter to jog their memory.

About Jade Lacy 46 Articles
Jade is an enigma, the shadow at the edge of your vision, the personification of night, and a fourth-year English major and Asian American Studies Minor. She enjoys creeping into your nightmares and creative writing.