Fine, Sure, Whatever: The Bear Wins Grammy for Song of the Year
LOS ANGELES — In a shocking upset, FX’s “The Bear” has won this year’s Grammy Award for Song of the Year. “I don’t really know […]
Ariana Grande Turns White After Eating Really Good Meatloaf
BOCA RATON, FL – Ethnically ambiguous queen Ariana Grande has become white again after taking a bite of good ol’ fashioned meatloaf. “Well, golly! I […]
Enabler Reviews: The Arrival Of A Train At La Ciotat (1896)
Movies. They’ve been around for over 100 years and have given us universally lauded classics like “The Godfather,” “Parasite,” and “Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over.” […]
Lucky Color! My Period Falls During Lunar New Year
In Chinese culture, red represents good fortune, prosperity, and vitality. So I guess my period starting fifteen minutes into a two-hour lecture today means my […]
Student Starves To Death After Rendez Burrito Preparation Took Too Long
WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday, first-year Labor Studies major Eleanor Rivera tragically passed away from starvation after her Rendezvous West chicken burrito took too long to […]
Heartbreaking: Newborn Really Named Kyle
JACKSONVILLE, FL — New “boy mom” Karen Shields recently shocked her Facebook friends by announcing the birth of her terribly named son, Kyle. “When my […]
Opinion: Stealing Is Morally Wrong Unless It’s From The Hilltop Shop
The Hilltop Shop is essential to surviving on the Hill. Need laundry detergent? Cheeto Puffs? A month-old refrigerated sandwich? You go to the Hilltop Shop. […]
‘Banana Peel Killer’ Sentenced to Death by Wet Floor
BAKERSFIELD, CA — On Wednesday, serial murderer Anabel Pane, labeled the ‘Banana Peel Killer’ on social media due to her unconventional, cartoonish methods, received an […]
Westwood Spotlight: This One-Year-Old Restaurant Does Mexican Food The Expensive Way
LOS ANGELES — Westwood’s latest resident North of the Border Cantina and Grill opened the doors of its Le Conte location last Friday, serving up […]