
BOCA RATON, FL – Ethnically ambiguous queen Ariana Grande has become white again after taking a bite of good ol’ fashioned meatloaf. “Well, golly! I said ‘arigato’ to my Cracker Barrel waiter after he gave me the meal, but as soon as that gosh-darn slimy beef shimmied over to my taste buds, my melanin said ‘thank u, next!’” said Grande while exchanging her kimono for Lululemon Align™ leggings. “I’m done being Ms. Worldwide – I’m switching up positions and re-recording my old music to be more in touch with my Wonder Bread roots.” At press time, Grande was in the studio recording her upcoming album, “Casserole Cutie,” alongside Dave Matthews Band, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Ed Sheeran.