Student Starves To Death After Rendez Burrito Preparation Took Too Long

WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday, first-year Labor Studies major Eleanor Rivera tragically passed away from starvation after her Rendezvous West chicken burrito took too long to prepare. “The app said that it would be ready in 45 minutes,” said a friend of Rivera’s at her funeral, sweating bullets while ordering a burrito bowl on his phone. “But after 45 and a half minutes had passed without her burrito, she dropped dead. Maybe if she had just gone to De Neve and ate some Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Pizza instead, she would still be with us today.” At press time, the burrito was still waiting for release.