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Conversation Going Well Until Jesus Brought Up

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD–A recent conversation between local man and woman James McCarthy and Abigail Hill was going well until Jesus was brought up. “It started out totally […]

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Cute! These Founding Fathers Tried To Create A Nation With No Demagoguery

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

Are you ready for the most heartwarming story you’ve read all week? A group of Founding Fathers tried to create their very own nation, completely […]

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Area Woman’s New Favorite Smell Definitely Toast

May 21, 2017 Kali Croke 0

WESTWOOD–After popping a fine slice of Nature’s Own Whole Wheat Bread in the toaster oven, area woman Karen Schremm concluded that her new favorite smell […]

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Teen Thinks This Nietzsche Guy Is Pretty Cool

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD – Local teenager Sam Herman thinks this Nietzsche guy is pretty cool. “All that stuff about slave morality is pretty interesting,” said Sam, an […]

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Professor Receives Roar of Laughter During Lecture, Pursues Stand Up Comedy

May 21, 2017 Salma Zaky 0

WESTWOOD—UCLA Chemistry professor Thomas Osborne, is retiring to further develop his one-man act after cracking a single periodic table joke during class and receiving a […]

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“Live, Laugh, Love” Poster On Girl’s Wall Tells You All You Need To Know

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD–Sources have reported that the “Live, Laugh, Love” poster hanging on the wall of local 20-year-old Lindsey Matthews tells you pretty much all you need […]

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Op-Ed: I Could Be Instagram Famous If I Tried

May 21, 2017 Designated Ugly Fat Friend 0

My friends tell me I’m the “Roseanne” of the friend group. They say it’s because of my sense of humor, but I know it’s really […]

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Point: North Campus Majors Don’t Understand Suffering / Counterpoint: Exactly

May 20, 2017 Hannah Page 0

Point: North Campus Majors Don’t Understand Suffering By: Alexander Levinson I have had enough. I am so sick and tired of these lazy, entitled north […]

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Point: It’s Cute How We Keep Making Eye Contact! / Counterpoint: Stop Looking At Me, You Fucking Creep

May 20, 2017 Matt Moldenhauer 0

Point: It’s Cute How We Keep Making Eye Contact! By: Ashley Davis Hey! I definitely keep noticing you looking over here in lecture, you’re not […]

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Report: A Bean Is The Cutest Source Of Fiber

May 20, 2017 Hannah Page 0

WESTWOOD—Researchers at the Los Angeles Institute of Nutrition released a study last Wednesday confirming that a bean is the cutest source of fiber. “We studied […]

Posts pagination

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  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

  • Supreme Court Brings Back Three-Fifths Compromise

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blockbuster 5⅗–2⅗ decision, the Supreme Court has ruled Section 2 of the 14th Amendment unconstitutional, effectively allowing states to declare […]

  • Experimenting Princess Clarifies She “Could Kiss A Frog, But Never Date One”

    FAIRYLAND — Today, one princess set the record straight about her sexual preferences after being caught with a frog. “Even though I had so much […]

  • Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month

    WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
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Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
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