Op-Ed: I Could Be Instagram Famous If I Tried

My friends tell me I’m the “Roseanne” of the friend group. They say it’s because of my sense of humor, but I know it’s really because of my pure talent. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m super likeable and everyone always compliments me on my personality.

Everyone out here is trying to make it “big-time” on social media, and I’m just like, um it’s not that hard–I could be Instagram famous in a second if I really tried.

I’ve decided to let my charisma shine by creating an inspirational page dedicated to my good deeds and quirky characteristics. I’ll post pictures of my four kooky cats, the candids I take of my friends, my daily meal intake, my daily excretion, and just anything but my face. I think the whole anonymous posting tactic is super mysterious and engaging to a millennial audience.

I mean, yeah, I could obviously post a cleavage pic and get a thousand likes in a sec, but what’s the point if you can’t get a glimpse of my personality? I want people to see the real me. Not just the outer beauty that is my face and body because that’s fake and stupid and super dumb.

I’m not judging or anything, I truly believe that human nature is much more attractive than just a pretty face. I mean, that’s not a problem for me personally at all or anything, I’m just saying…