Class Clown Hides In Sewers To Tell Jokes
WESTWOOD — UCLA second year and Pennywise wannabe, George Rogers, was found this morning coated in feces, peering through a sewer telling popsicle-stick jokes to […]
Articles by Salma Zaky
Selfless Area Woman Looks At Friends In Group Picture Too
LOS ANGELES, CA—Area woman Nicole Robinson always makes sure to look at her friends’ faces in a group picture, because that’s how her mother raised […]
I Never Fucking Agreed To This
Get the fuck away from me. I’m a cat. A black cat. Humans aren’t supposed to get near us, let alone fucking touch us. I […]
Professor Receives Roar of Laughter During Lecture, Pursues Stand Up Comedy
WESTWOOD—UCLA Chemistry professor Thomas Osborne, is retiring to further develop his one-man act after cracking a single periodic table joke during class and receiving a […]
Op-Ed: I Could Be Instagram Famous If I Tried
My friends tell me I’m the “Roseanne” of the friend group. They say it’s because of my sense of humor, but I know it’s really […]
Exciting News: Hovering Over Public Toilets Proves To Be Most Effective Ab Workout
BEVERLY HILLS – A recent study has revealed that the most practical way to work out your abs is by hovering over public toilets. “Whenever […]
College Student Wakes Up Early, Finds Out There Are More Hours In A Day
WESTWOOD—UCLA student James Lips set his alarm for the first time during his college career and found that, surprisingly, there are more hours in a […]
Peeping Tom Catches Girl Shitting, Becomes Priest
LOS ANGELES, CA—The neighborhood “peeping tom,” Ernest Douglas, has bravely decided to change his lifestyle and become a priest after witnessing a woman violently shitting […]