UCLA_WIFI Acceptance Rate Drops To Record Low
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Undergraduate Admissions and Department of IT Services announced in a joint release today that the percentage of students admitted […]
New Strain of Hepatitis Found On Couch Outside Beta
WESTWOOD — After studying its surface, scientists have recently discovered a new strain of Hepatitis on the surface of the discarded cream-colored couch outside Beta […]
“Join Our Club,” Says Notoriously Exclusive Club
WESTWOOD — On Monday, October 30, members of a notoriously exclusive club were seen on Bruin Walk encouraging random passerby to join their notoriously exclusive […]
Woman Who Forgot to Shave for Two Weeks Unintentionally Becomes Feminist Icon
WESTWOOD — Area woman Christine Bigley, who forgot to shave for the past two weeks, unintentionally became a feminist icon and body hair pioneer amongst […]
BruinWear Summer Collection to Include Assless Chaps
WESTWOOD — In response to large demand, UCLA’s BruinWear will be including a pair of UCLA themed assless chaps in their summer collection. “They sell […]
Discovery of “Upload” Button on Soundcloud Transforms Talentless Boy into Professional DJ
LOS ANGELES — In an incredible transformation, the discovery of the upload button on Soundcloud has transformed a talentless Caucasian teenage boy into a professional […]
Freshman Wearing Joy Division Shirt Around Campus Already Getting Laid Like Crazy
WESTWOOD — Incoming first-year Ben Matthews, who has worn his t-shirt of Joy Division’s “Unknown Pleasures” album cover to class an estimated six times already, […]
Apple Announces Plans To Only Play Upbeat Music In Sweatshops
CUPERTINO — This week Apple, in keeping with tradition of ceremonial pomp, held a massive event unveiling their plans to play non-stop pop music for […]
Student At Front Of The Restaurant Line Rolls The Dice With Debit Card
WESTWOOD — Ignoring his misgivings about the possible lack of necessary funds on his debit card, third-year Economics major Andrew Clay, decided to roll the […]