Strange Feeling Inside America’s Gut Diagnosed as Hope
BIRMINGHAM, AL — After seeing Democratic candidate Doug Jones defeat Republican Roy Moore in the Alabama senate special election today, the nation was diagnosed with […]
Things To Do Instead Of Studying For Finals
Finals week can be a real drag. Here are some fun things to do instead of studying! #1 – Complain about studying for finals #2 […]
UCLA Mascot Changed From Bruin To Smokey The Bear
WESTWOOD – In light of the Skirball Fire threatening the UCLA campus, Smokey the Bear has been declared the school’s mascot. “Only you can prevent […]
Ex-Boyfriend Just Checking In
WESTWOOD — Settling any rumors that either party still harbors feelings post-breakup, your ex-boyfriend is “just checking in” to let you know he has definitely […]
Girl Who Didn’t Drink In High School Really Downing That Prestige
WESTWOOD — Upon the declaration that first-year political science student Kelsey Reinhart “didn’t drink in high school,” reporters observed Reinhart at a recent party going […]
Sociologists Suggest UCLA May Be Part Of Larger University System
WESTWOOD — Noting several similarities with other colleges in California, UCLA sociologists studying American institutions of higher education suggested on Wednesday that the Los Angeles-based […]
Point: Gazing Off My Balcony Reminds Me This Is My Time / Counterpoint: Can You See Me Smoking My Bong From The Street?
Point: Gazing Off My Balcony Reminds Me This Is My Time By: Claudia DeMonet There’s nothing that makes me feel more alive than watching the […]
Op-Ed: Look At Me, I’m The Captain Now
Well, well, well. Hello there. Don’t stomp your foot so hard — you’re only wasting your energy. “THERE’S A ROACH IN MY HOUSE,” you say? […]
Bruin Democrats to Install Furniture for Echo Chamber
WESTWOOD — Bruin Democrats President Melissa Hargrave informed club members this past Wednesday that the club had received enough funding to install new couches for […]
BREAKING: Paul Walker Still Dead
LOS ANGELES — In a shocking turn of events, famed actor of the “Fast and Furious” series Paul Walker is in fact still dead. “I […]