“I Think You Mean Frankenstein’s Monster,” Says Friend
WESTWOOD — Interrupting first-year Sarah Ahmed’s description of the role her eighth grade English teacher played in sparking her love for literature, Ahmed’s friend, first-year Aaron […]
Bruins For Israel Pretty Quiet This Week
WESTWOOD — UCLA students noted that the campus group Bruins For Israel has been pretty quiet this week following the killing of more than 60 […]
Study: Discarded USAC Flyers Make Up Majority of Great Pacific Garbage Patch
PACIFIC OCEAN — A study performed by the UCLA Department of Atmospheric and Oceanic Sciences found that the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is primarily composed […]
Op-Ed: I Support Labor Rights Except When They Inconvenience Me
It’s 2018. People shouldn’t have to work two full time jobs just to put food on the table for their family. We should have fair […]
Man Who Hasn’t Washed Jeans in Three Weeks Mocks Met Gala Outfits
WESTWOOD — Sources close to the scene report that Dave Sanders, a man who has not washed his jeans in three weeks, spent four hours […]
Huge Upset: Avengers Infinity War Outperforms Amy Schumer Movie
HOLLYWOOD — Critics’ expectations were defied this week when Avengers: Infinity War brought in more money than Amy Schumer’s I Feel Pretty. “I’m extremely surprised […]
BREAKING: USAC Candidate Dick Johnson Sanctioned For Phallic Name
WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Friday morning. Dick Johnson, a candidate running for Community Services Commissioner, was sanctioned for his phallic […]
Local Kanye Apologist Having A Really Bad Week
WESTWOOD — Sources report local Kanye apologist Sam Bradley is having a really bad week. “I mean, I always knew Kanye was insane. But insane in […]
BREAKING: USAC Candidate Todd From Beta Sanctioned For Unlicensed Liquor Sale
WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Wednesday. Todd From Beta, a candidate running for Campus Events Commissioner, was sanctioned for selling […]
BREAKING: USAC Candidate Skirball Fire Sanctioned For Unsafe Campaigning
WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Monday. Skirball Fire, a candidate running for general representative, was sanctioned for re-erupting in the […]