Former UCLA Econ Major Forced To Settle For Entry-Level Job With Poor Health Benefits
PHOENIX, AZ — The Enabler recently did a profile on former UCLA economics student Joshua Rosen, who had decided to drop out of UCLA. Unfortunately, […]
Bruin Democrats Release Diss Track Denouncing Kanye West
WESTWOOD — Following Kanye West’s reiteration of his support for President Donald Trump on Twitter this week, Bruin Democrats at UCLA swiftly denounced the rapper’s political […]
Taking Action: When This Man Heard About the Waffle House Shooting, He Copied and Pasted All of the Lyrics to John Lennon’s “Imagine” on His Facebook Timeline
It seems like there’s a mass shooting every week in America, each followed by little change. People offer their ‘thoughts and prayers’ and argue about […]
BREAKING: Westwood Neighborhood Council Sends Troops To Occupy UCLA
WESTWOOD — In a surprising act that sent shockwaves across the country, The Westwood Neighborhood Council sent armed troops to occupy the sovereign UCLA campus this […]
Amazing! This Magic 8 Ball Pinpoints Exactly How You’ll Ruin Your Life!
Hear hear, lads and ladettes! After decades of helpless submission to fate’s cruel game of chance, scientists and toymakers alike have designed a Magic […]
BREAKING: Freshman’s Virginity Still Going Strong
WESTWOOD — It’s spring quarter, and somehow, local freshman James Rosenberg’s virginity is still intact. “I knew it was going to take some time, but […]
Nancy Pelosi Had Relaxing Weekend Screaming Into Abyss
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After working around the clock to oppose the Republican party’s legislative agenda, sources close to minority leader Nancy Pelosi say she had a […]
Helpful Gym Regular Corrects Newcomer’s Form
WESTWOOD — Last night at B-Fit, freshman Rodney Caldwell was reportedly using the tricep machine without properly bending his knees, but business economics major Brock […]
Area Man Spins Alcoholism Into Funny Anecdote
WESTWOOD—Earlier today UCLA student Scott Arnedt told his a friends a funny story that could be completely attributed to his debilitating alcoholism. “Last night I […]
Report: B-Fit Playing That Song Again
WESTWOOD—Sources inside the Bruin Fitness Center (B-Fit) weight room confirmed on Monday that the campus gym was again playing that song that they always play. […]