Senior Kinda Relieved “Best Time Of Her Life” Almost Over
WESTWOOD — Waking up bright and early for her 11 am class Wednesday morning, fourth-year Adrianne Moreno revealed that she was kind of relieved the […]
Articles by Saniya Anand
Report: Milk Bad For Sure Now
WESTWOOD — Tentatively sniffing the half-gallon jug, fourth-year English major Jenny Wong concluded that the milk was bad for sure now. “It tasted kinda off […]
Area Man Would Have Gotten Away With It If It Weren’t For Those Meddling Kids
CARNIVAL ISLAND — Caught adding poisonous gas to the air purifier systems on Carnival Island in an attempt to simulate an epidemic, area man Joseph […]
Dog Cute But Also Major Step Back For Evolution
ORANGE COUNTY, CA — Sources report that area woman Fatima Gulzar was recently hit by the realization that her dog, Bailey, was cute but also […]
Point: Therapy Has Been So Good For Me / Counterpoint: I’m In Love With My Therapist.
Point: Therapy Has Been So Good For Me. By: Hannah Stein So I finally made the leap and sought out a therapist for myself. They […]
“I Think You Mean Frankenstein’s Monster,” Says Friend
WESTWOOD — Interrupting first-year Sarah Ahmed’s description of the role her eighth grade English teacher played in sparking her love for literature, Ahmed’s friend, first-year Aaron […]
Freshman Relieved She Done With Hardest Quarter
WESTWOOD — Sources report that first-year pre-anthropology major Amelia Collins is relieved she is done with her hardest quarter of her college career. “Everyone told me […]
Excited Freshman Loves Learning But At His Own Pace
WESTWOOD – In a conversation with the classmate closest to him in his Sociology 1 discussion, pre-economics major and first-year freshman Steven Coleman revealed that […]
Wait, Did Area Man Just Ask Me Out?
WESTWOOD — Sources are unsure whether area man Eric, just asked me out. We’ve had dinner together multiple times so I didn’t think it was […]
Local Five-Year-Old Realizes He Can’t Get Away With Stuff He Did When He Was Four
LOS ANGELES—Early Tuesday morning, five-year-old Joshua Chan realized he could no longer get away with stuff he did when he was four. Joshua believes his […]