Elon Musk,
If you can find any room in your Grinch-sized heart, please do your job for once. If you are trying to make the government efficient, why not go after the picture of bureaucracy and overhaul the DMV? You could be actually improving efficiency instead of defunding the national parks so much that people are going to be using cactus fronds to wipe at the toilet in Joshua Tree this summer.
Real federal tyranny is whoever is allowing the DMV employees to keep me there for an hour reviewing paperwork – all before telling me I can’t even get a Real ID because I forgot my preschool transcript. True patriots shouldn’t have to track down four electric bills, proof of the last time they pooped at home, and 18 hours of CCTV footage just to get the same exact ID with a little star on it.
How am I supposed to verify my address with a postmarked envelope when your 19-year-old Discord mod DOGE intern just cut funding from the United States Postal Service? What if instead of defunding 18-year-old Americorps volunteers making $200 a week to do hard labor in FEMA disaster zones, you defunded the DMV clerk who told me I needed proof of my last 18 purchases in the state of California?
You should really call yourself DOGI (Department of Government Inefficiency) the way you’re doggy styling on Donald Trump’s dick in between defunding cancer research, but I guess that wouldn’t be “le epic meme,” now would it? Maybe creating an official government office named after a failed meme coin and run by a sad 40-year-old deadbeat dad with Reddit-moderator phenotype had us doomed from the start. At least on our way out, before this country experiences an economic and political meltdown that will make the collapsing USSR look like a thriving center of prosperity and love, can we abolish the Real ID?