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Opinion

I Lived It: Guy I Told My Friends About Has Only One Instagram Post From 2018

February 27, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

It seemed too good to be true. And I was right. After two dates, the guy from that meet-cute dream encounter gave me his Instagram […]

Opinion: I’m Walkin’ Here

January 29, 2024 Tal Israeli 0

MANHATTAN — Hey! Yeah, youse over there! I’m walkin’ here! You think you’re so classy in your fancy Toyota whip, huh? Oh, did I scare […]

Opinion: Dropping This Class Is Not Enough; I Need to Infest Haines Hall With Locusts

October 25, 2023 Matthew Graves 0

As the 18th-century Scottish poet Robert Burns once wrote, “the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” I don’t actually know what that […]

Gene Block in suit.

Opinion: On-Campus Residents Should Tip Their Landlord

October 17, 2023 Enabler Staff 0

A little birdie told me that people on campus aren’t fulfilling their duty of tipping Mr. GB. After getting a measly 25% raise to $625,000 […]

Kid on stage

Opinion: If We Want To Save The Community Center, We’ll Have To Put On The Best Damn Talent Show This Town Has Ever Seen

October 17, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

My fellow youths, we all know by now that our beloved community center is in danger of getting shut down. The question now is what […]

Friends talking at UCLA

Freshman Confident Week Zero Friendships Will Last

October 10, 2023 John Luke Piepgras 0

WESTWOOD — Two weeks into her freshman year, Sarah Miller is confident she has met lifelong companions. “We all just don’t like drama,” said Miller, […]

Opinion: Keep Up The Scathing Course Evaluations, We Are Close

June 9, 2023 Sam Haines 0

Most people see course evaluations as pointless, just another way to placate us, like the “close door” button on an elevator. I understand that perspective. […]

Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient

June 7, 2023 Eric Rousso 0

Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]

Botanical Garden Turtle Confesses: Your First Date Was Cringe

May 29, 2023 Dana Badii 0

Hey buddy. It’s me, Grog. Yeah, the little turtle by the bridge who saw you walking through the botanical gardens with your date. Oh, you […]

Opinion: I Tried So Hard And Got So Far, But In The End Does It Even Matter?

May 18, 2023 Harry Song 0

It starts with one thing, and I just don’t know why. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter how hard I try (keep in mind, I didn’t […]

Posts pagination

« 1 … 5 6 7 … 24 »
  • Opinion: Suck It, Pre-Meds! Now We’re All Going To Be Unemployed

    It finally happened. Despite being so against equity and inclusion, Trump finally did something to level the playing field between you pre-meds and us humanities, […]

  • Roommate Unable To Clean Dorm Because Floor Is Lava

    WESTWOOOD – In an emergency press conference inside your dorm today, your roommate announced they are unable to clean because the floor is lava. “I […]

  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

  • Supreme Court Brings Back Three-Fifths Compromise

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blockbuster 5⅗–2⅗ decision, the Supreme Court has ruled Section 2 of the 14th Amendment unconstitutional, effectively allowing states to declare […]

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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