Opinion: On-Campus Residents Should Tip Their Landlord

Gene Block in suit.

A little birdie told me that people on campus aren’t fulfilling their duty of tipping Mr. GB. After getting a measly 25% raise to $625,000 a year and a free mansion – an adjustment for inflation – Chancellor Block is still living paycheck to paycheck. So let us all come together and give a little extra for the big man’s last year.

I just can’t get his sad little face out of my head! And to think he had to pay those TAs even more, oh my gosh. Absolutely criminal what they did to him. In addition to coughing up more dough, we should probably get him a big card and sign our names on it.

I know exactly what you’re thinking: how do I tip Dr. Block? There isn’t a tip button on BruinBill yet, but there is a secret method to slide Geney Boy some dinero. Here’s what you have to do: put a minimum of $1000 in unmarked bills in an envelope and throw it down the Inverted Fountain. Gene “Blockstar” Block has a lair down there where he eavesdrops on students’ conversations, protected by a UCLA bylaw known as the “BruinAct.”

Basically what I’m trying to say is, when you go to buy your pumpkin-spiced lattes or slave labor cat costume for Halloween, instead, give that money to the inventor of the “two-chambered disposable hospital urinal,” our Supreme Gene Block.

About Milo Ellison 14 Articles
Hobby satirist turned published comedy extraordinaire.