Facebook Announces Name Change, Now “The Facebook” Again
MENLO PARK, CA — The conglomerate formerly known as Facebook, Inc. announced Thursday that it would be changing its company name back to “The Facebook”. […]
Life
Opinion: My Scooby Doo Costume Is Not “Inappropriate,” My Balls Are Supposed To Hang Out Like That
I am absolutely sick and tired of everyone asking me the same question. I’ve walked around this party all night trying to make pleasant, simple […]
Spooky! Computer Science Student Dresses Up As Woman To Scare Classmates
WESTWOOD — In the spirit of Halloween, third-year computer science student Andrew Hawkins plans to dress up as a woman, which would be his peers’ […]
Rise Of Powell Cat Renders CAPS Obsolete
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) department has announced that it will be discontinuing all services indefinitely in the face of superior psychological […]
Man Loses Collaborative Playlist in Divorce Settlement
PORTLAND, OR — A Portland couple has divorced after ten years of marriage, with Ms. Slater gaining custody of the marriage’s collaborative Spotify playlist. “Look, […]
Frats Denounce COVID, Promise It Won’t Happen Again
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s Greek organizations released a statement Monday acknowledging allegations that they have contributed to the spread of COVID-19 on campus. “Everybody makes mistakes, […]
Opinion: The Pope Isn’t As Hot As My Dad
VATICAN CITY — How many times do I have to say this? Pope Francis isn’t the hottest old white guy out there! Every freaking time […]
Psychology Professor Denies Mental Health Related Extension
WESTWOOD — On Tuesday evening, UCLA Professor of Psychology Dr. Janice Smith denied her student’s request for a mental health related extension on her final […]
Confident 100 Year-old Still Buys in Bulk
LOS ANGELES — Despite his advanced age of 100, local World War II veteran Percival Buckland remains steadfast in his patronage of the Sepulveda Costco […]
Second-Year Reverses “Blue Lives Matter” Stance After Receiving Minor In Possession Citation
WESTWOOD — Second-year business economics student Cassie Duvall recently reversed her support for the Blue Lives Matter movement after receiving a citation on Thursday evening […]