“This Game Is Fucking Bullshit!” Little Brother Reports
LOS ANGELES— Members of the Miller family were recently informed by their little brother that the game they were playing was, in fact, bullshit. “It’s […]
Culture
Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For Your Boyfriend
Uh oh! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and you haven’t gotten a gift for that special guy in your life! Are you sick […]
Opinion: If We’re Bringing Back Cigarettes, Why Don’t We Also Bring Back Opium?
I’ve noticed an interesting trend recently. You’re at a party, drinking your beers, sipping your jungle juice, and all of a sudden everyone is smoking […]
Opinion: If I Spill My Trauma To You, Will You Let Me Into Your Grad Program?
I’ve known I wanted to be a neurosurgeon ever since I saw my grandfather get run over by a Zamboni. Right in that moment, as […]
Ask The Enabler: “Best Places To Hide A Vibrator In A Classic Triple?”
If a roommate questions why your portable charger is covered in white marks and has an odor, the safest bet is to blame it on […]
Brendon Urie Files For Divorce From Brendon Urie
LOS ANGELES— Brendon Urie, lead singer and only remaining member of the former pop-rock band Panic! At The Disco, has announced that he will be […]
Trend Watch: Cooking With Buccal Fat
So, you’ve decided to remove your buccal fat because someone on TikTok told you to. Way to go! You’ve joined the ranks of admirable, hardworking […]
Loser Plays As Mario In MarioKart
MUSHROOM KINGDOM— Area dude Brad McIntyre bored gamers everywhere Tuesday when he chose Mario as his racing character in the hit Nintendo game MarioKart. “I […]