Business

Angry Men’s Rights Activist Creates Boy Scout Cookies

April 5, 2024 Tyler Neufeld 0

WESTWOOD — Men’s rights activist Brett Chadley has created “Boy Scout Cookies” after noticing that male children are marginalized in the cookie sales industry. “These […]

Surprise! Student Without Any Dreams Or Passion Goes Into Consulting

November 17, 2023 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — In a decision that has sent shockwaves across the nation, a student devoid of any personality or soul has decided to pursue consulting. […]

Biz Econ Major’s “Connections” Actually Just Parents

November 2, 2023 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Business Economics major Cornelius “Chad” Getty recently revealed that the “connections” that got him his job were actually just his parents. “I […]

Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient

June 7, 2023 Eric Rousso 0

Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]

HBO Merges With Other Streaming Services To Form MaxCockMount+

April 13, 2023 Rujula Rao 0

BURBANK — Following the rebrand of HBO Max to just “Max,” Warner Bros. announced today that they will also be merging with the Peacock and […]

Man Who’ll Never Be Truly Happy Brags About Investment Banking Internship

April 12, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Financial actuarial math major Belfan Jordort was spotted loudly bragging about his upcoming internship at Goldman Sachs, despite the fact that he has […]

Chipotle To Require Credit Check Before Adding Guac

March 15, 2023 Bella Dunham 0

WESTWOOD — Chipotle announced Tuesday that they will be partnering with Credit Karma to run expedited credit checks on all customers attempting to add guac […]

UCLA Adds Rizzonomics Major

March 8, 2023 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA’s College of Letters and Sciences announced a new Rizzonomics major for the 2023–2024 academic year this week, which has the campus community […]