Business
Uh Oh! Guy In Patrick Bateman Costume Getting Too Method
WESTWOOD — Last weekend, partygoers at a consulting club fundrager agreed that second-year business economics major Alan Paul got a little too into his Patrick […]
Silverlake Transplants Start Urban Camping Business In Skid Row
LOS ANGELES — After relocating from Burning Man to Silverlake, two-person polycule Chadwin Parsley and Rosemary Sage noticed a vacancy in the urban camping market. […]
UCLA Introduces 0P Plan Where You Watch Your Friends Eat
WESTWOOD — UCLA Housing has decided to launch a brand new meal plan for students living on campus, where purchasers can swipe into dining halls […]
Angry Men’s Rights Activist Creates Boy Scout Cookies
WESTWOOD — Men’s rights activist Brett Chadley has created “Boy Scout Cookies” after noticing that male children are marginalized in the cookie sales industry. “These […]
Surprise! Student Without Any Dreams Or Passion Goes Into Consulting
WESTWOOD — In a decision that has sent shockwaves across the nation, a student devoid of any personality or soul has decided to pursue consulting. […]
Biz Econ Major’s “Connections” Actually Just Parents
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Business Economics major Cornelius “Chad” Getty recently revealed that the “connections” that got him his job were actually just his parents. “I […]
Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient
Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]
HBO Merges With Other Streaming Services To Form MaxCockMount+
BURBANK — Following the rebrand of HBO Max to just “Max,” Warner Bros. announced today that they will also be merging with the Peacock and […]
Man Who’ll Never Be Truly Happy Brags About Investment Banking Internship
WESTWOOD — Financial actuarial math major Belfan Jordort was spotted loudly bragging about his upcoming internship at Goldman Sachs, despite the fact that he has […]