Theater Majors And Hooligans Have “Lame-Off”
WESTWOOD — After increasing conflict between Theater majors and the HOOLIGAN Theater Company, the groups announced they would be having an interpretive battle in the […]
A&E
Infamous Dykstra Urinal Shitter Moves To Hedrick Hall Showers
WESTWOOD — Dykstra Hall residents braced themselves this morning, expecting the usual mound of high grade, Epicuria-produced shit sitting on top of their communal urinals, […]
Japanese Newborn Named Hernández Kiké
KOBE, JAPAN — In response to the wave of Latino infants being named after Japan’s cultural exports such as Goku and Roki Sasaki, Japanese sports […]
UCLA Opens “B-ruining Lives” Resource Center For Student Anti-Wellbeing
WESTWOOD — To combat the unprofitable number of students who exhibit reasonable sleep schedules and a healthy work-life balance, the UCLA Copious Amounts of Pessimistic […]
Stolen Goods Stolen From Place With Exclusively Stolen Goods
PARIS — Parisian police officers were stunned to discover this weekend that priceless jewels were stolen from the Louvre, a place that exclusively houses priceless […]
I Lived It: An Old Friend Reached Out Just To Share Their Beats
It’s a cool early summer evening. The moon is glowing, the stars are shining, and I’m taking advantage of this peaceful night by scrolling through […]
Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading
WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]
“Boiling Water Challenge” Raises Awareness For How To Kill Yourself
LOS ANGELES — On Sunday, the University of Southern California’s Annoying Lame Students club (ALS) launched the ‘Boiling Water Challenge,’ a viral trend which aims […]
Opinion: Shut The Fuck Up About Coachella
An open letter to everyone on Instagram who is about to go to Coachella this weekend: SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! I DO NOT CARE!!! I’m […]
Health Tip: Swallow Your Zyns
The great historian Howard Zynn once said, “Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.” Revising the revisionist, I say, “Dis Zyn is the highest form […]