Ninth Circle Of Hell Just Murphy Hall
VATICAN CITY — At a recent papal summit, Pope Francis confirmed that Murphy Hall lies within the boundaries of Hell’s most treacherous and damning circle. “You might […]
UCLA
UCLA Fraternities Apologize For Getting Caught
WESTWOOD–In light of the recent lawsuit filed against UCLA fraternities Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) and Zeta Beta Tau (ZBT) for their mishandling of sexual assault, […]
Area Douche Thinks Multi-Factor Authentication “Not That Bad, Man”
WESTWOOD — It has come out that area douche Michael Marks thinks that UCLA’s new multi-factor authentication is “not that bad, man”. “All you have to […]
Mom On Tour Thinks Royce Hall Looks Nice
WESTWOOD — Sources report that a mom taking a tour of UCLA thinks Royce Hall is nice. “It’s really a very nice place,” said the […]
Westwood Stores Sell Out Of Useless Shit
WESTWOOD—Charlotte’s Boutique, a store in Westwood, sold out of its entire stock of useless shit, sources confirm. The store, established in 2009, is frequented by […]
Study: No One Asked for Daily Bruin’s Opinion
WESTWOOD— In a recently-published study conducted by the University of California’s Data Glossary Analysis Forum (DGAF), 0% of undergraduate students enrolled at the Los Angeles […]
John Wooden Finally Peels Off Bronze Body Paint And Leaves Pauley Pavilion
WESTWOOD—After standing motionless on a pedestal in front of Pauley Pavilion for over three years, legendary basketball coach John Wooden finally removed his bronze body […]
Student Finds Roommate’s Bong Or Dildo, Not Sure Which
WESTWOOD — Stating he felt “extreme terror” and “penetrating feelings of fear,” third year sociology major Jason Schwartz claims to have found a hollow glass […]
Discriminatory Grading Policy Favors Students That Work Harder
WESTWOOD—Allegations of widespread discrimination favoring harder-working students in the University of California system arose Monday. “Not only are certain students more likely to get higher […]