Wario Opens Up About Struggle With Obesity
My name is Wario. I have been blessed to be a team member in the Nintendo franchise for 27 years, serving as a foil to […]
Study: The Average Person Has Eight Spiders Crawl Into Their Mouth During Sex Every Single Year
RICHMOND, VA — A recent study commissioned by the American Arachnological Society (AAS) confirmed that an average of eight spiders crawl into a person’s mouth […]
Bill Clinton to Star in His Own Celebrity Porn Parody
NEW YORK — Former President Bill Clinton’s public relations representative announced this morning that he will be playing the star role in his own […]
Student Shocked to Find Dumbass at #1 Public University
WESTWOOD — Jaded first-year David Lewis recently concluded that his dream college, which touts itself as the hub of progressive minds and academic advancement, […]
Breaking: Netflix To Release New Original Series Set in the Eighties
LOS ANGELES — Popular streaming program Netflix has announced its new original project set in the Eighties. Showrunners Joseph and Joe Reiner expressed their […]
P: Men Are Born Free, And Everywhere He Is In Chains. CP: Do Yo Chain Hang Low And Wobble To Da Flow?
Point Men Are Born Free, And Everywhere He Is In Chains. By: Jean-Jacques Rousseau You may believe you are a free individual, but in reality, […]
Area Woman Slowly Decaying into Offbeat Wes Anderson Character
PORTLAND, OR — Close friends and family of area woman Ella Hartley report that Hartley’s personality has seemed to gradually dwindle into an amalgamation […]
Nigerian Princes Sue Yahoo! For Defamation
LAGOS — Former internet giant Yahoo! is facing a lawsuit from princes in Nigeria, who claim Yahoo!’s handling of the “Nigerian Prince” email scam has […]
Report: Dianne Feinstein Bullied By Senator As Child
WASHINGTON — Following a viral video last week that showed her bullying young children, a report has surfaced that Senator Dianne Feinstein (D – CA) […]
Barney’s Beanery Begins Weekly Mahjong Night
WESTWOOD — Citing the success of recurring weekly events like “Karaoke Night” and “Trivia Night,” the management of Barney’s Beanery announced last Monday that the […]