Area Woman Slowly Decaying into Offbeat Wes Anderson Character


PORTLAND, OR — Close friends and family of area woman Ella Hartley report that Hartley’s personality has seemed to gradually dwindle into an amalgamation of director Wes Anderson’s characters. “At first I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that had changed, but there was no denying that she’d been acting….different. She started only communicating through hand-written letters, monogrammed all her clothes, and rearranged her room to be perfectly symmetrical,” said Hartley’s mother, who Hartley has recently begun calling “mummy” in an indiscernible accent not previously recognized. “But when I got our HBO bill, I finally recognized where that quirky, offbeat, yet oddly likeable charm about her had come from.” When questioned directly, Hartley didn’t say a word but rather maintained unfaltering eye contact while nodding a beret-cladden head.

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