Study: The Average Person Has Eight Spiders Crawl Into Their Mouth During Sex Every Single Year

RICHMOND, VA — A recent study commissioned by the American Arachnological Society (AAS) confirmed that an average of eight spiders crawl into a person’s mouth while they have sex every single year. “Quite frankly, our association was shocked to learn that American adults swallowed over 2 billion spiders during sex last year,” said AAS president Trevor Barrett. “We expected that the number would be much higher.” Apparently, AAS members expected the number to be between “at least” 20-30 spiders per person, but were astonished when the study concluded that most people consume less than one spider yearly as a part of their sexual routine. “It seems the general public is woefully uninformed about the erotic thrills an arachnid or two can bring to intercourse,” said Barrett. At press time, Barrett was busy scheduling dates for his newest lecture series: “Spiders and Sensuality: How Our Eight-Legged Friends Can Save Your Marriage.”