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Articles by Griffin Stout

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About Griffin Stout
RIP Griffin Stout (1996-2023) Failed Comedy Writer and Pet Owner. RIP Bark Ruffalo (2007-2007)

Student Munches Lunch at Bunche

December 9, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

WESTWOOD — Imprudent third year theater student Daniel Dent munches crunchy lunch inside of Bunche. “I know it’s ambitious, and a bit suspicious, but my […]

Number of Acapella Groups Reaches Triple Digits

November 21, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

WESTWOOD — Local UCLA officials reported today that the number of campus acapella groups has reached triple digits, and shows no sign of slowing down. […]

Bruin Plate Introduces Bottomless Mimosas

November 20, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing department has recently announced that Bruin Plate, UCLA’s newest and largest dining hall, will begin serving bottomless mimosas beginning in […]

New Silver Lake Restaurant Serves “Conceptual” Meals

May 6, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

SILVER LAKE — Following a year of overwhelming anticipation within the community, “Food for Thought,” a restaurant that only serves “conceptual” meals, has opened this week. […]

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Body Pillow Found In Basement Of Shapiro Residence

April 29, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

LOS ANGELES — Earlier this week a body pillow, otherwise known as a “dakimakura,” depicting U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was found in the basement of the […]

Study: Greek Yogurt Not Good Substitute For Lube

April 25, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

LOS ANGELES — Researchers at the Bixby Center of Population and Reproductive Health have found in a recent study that Greek yogurt is not a […]

Point: Wash Your Dishes / Counterpoint: I’m Letting Them Soak

April 23, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

Point: Wash Your Dishes By Alex Haru, Kellen Loke, Drew Casebier We’ve called this roommate meeting to discuss the issue of the dishes that have […]

Carl’s Jr. Grounded by Carl’s Sr.

April 23, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

NASHVILLE — Carl’s Junior announced today that it will be closing its doors for two weeks after being grounded by Carl’s Senior. “We at Carl’s […]

Stray Cat Wins Heart of Community, Stray Human Does Not

April 2, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

WESTWOOD — A stray cat discovered on Landfair Avenue has won over the community with its scrappy feline charms, while at the same time local […]

Target Pushes Further Into Ralphs’ Territory, War Imminent

March 11, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

WESTWOOD — With the annexation of the shared stairwell, Target has pushed further into Ralphs’ territory, which experts believe will surely result in a formal […]

Posts pagination

1 2 »

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

Featured Authors

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Gabe McNeill
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  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
Sam Rusk
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