Yes, Your Duffl Racer Is Judging Your 10 a.m. Vape Purchase
WESTWOOD — Sam McQueen, 5th-year electric scooter major, reports that as soon as your order came in, all the employees started making snarky comments and […]
Surprise! People Are Exiting The Elevator You’re About To Enter
WESTWOOD — First-year urban planning major Jimmy Johnson was shocked to find that there were people exiting the Rieber Hall elevator when it reached the […]
Point: Wire Mother Kind Of Serving / Counterpoint: Cloth Mother Ate It Up And Left No Crumbs
Point: Wire Mother Kind Of Serving By: A Baby Rhesus Monkey Okay, is it just me or is wire mother lowkey serving today? I was […]
REPORT: The People In Line At Kerckhoff Definitely Want To Hear About Your Sex Life
WESTWOOD — A survey conducted by the Daily Bruin concluded that the patrons of the historic Kerckhoff Coffee House definitely want to learn all the […]
Best Ways To Stay Cool And Mysterious After Tripping Over An Electric Scooter
WESTWOOD — We’ve all been there, strutting down the sidewalk, listening to Radiohead and scowling occasionally so that people know you’ve got a dark secret, […]
Historic UCLA Rugby Hazing Ritual Ruined By Guy Who Just Loves To Drink Piss
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s rugby team has been forced to brainstorm new “bonding activities” for potential new members after, to their horror, one student seemed a […]
Fat Sal’s Goes On Ozempic
WESTWOOD — In an attempt to rebrand as a skinny queen, Fat Sal’s is saying bye-bye to grease and hello to semaglutide in its famous […]
Vacationing Asshole Wears Only UCLA-Branded Clothes
THE CARIBBEAN SEA — Passengers aboard their Christmas Cruise have complained about fifth-year political science major Braeodean Sho-Woff and his exorbitant UCLA-branded outfits, which include […]
Smokey The Bear Kinda Hot Now
WEST HOLLYWOOD – After a rebrand by the National Parks Service, local onlookers and passersby have been stunned by the fact that Smokey the Bear […]