Yes, Your Duffl Racer Is Judging Your 10 a.m. Vape Purchase

WESTWOOD — Sam McQueen, 5th-year electric scooter major, reports that as soon as your order came in, all the employees started making snarky comments and mocking your weak little lungs before spitting on your precious Mango-Mint Elf Bar. “I knew you were a fiend, but I didn’t know it had gotten this bad,” said McQueen after pounding 6 tequila shots before his 8 a.m. shift. “I mean, you timed it to the minute the store opened. Do you not have any shame at all?” At press time, McQueen was seen running over a first-year on his scooter while taking a hit of your vape.