Point: Wire Mother Kind Of Serving / Counterpoint: Cloth Mother Ate It Up And Left No Crumbs

baby monkey clings to a cloth monkey doll on the left while a wire figure stands monkeyless on the right

Point: Wire Mother Kind Of Serving
By: A Baby Rhesus Monkey

Okay, is it just me or is wire mother lowkey serving today? I was feeding from her earlier and she was honestly slaying the house down, like, it’s giving milk, it’s giving nourishment, it’s giving gift of life!! She really said “a mother provides.” Rent was due, the lights were almost off, she only had two dollars in the bank, and she did not come to play!

Counterpoint: Cloth Mother Ate It Up And Left No Crumbs
By: Another Baby Rhesus Monkey

Are you fucking kidding me? That bitch Wire doesn’t even deserve the title of mother. Her outfit — if you could even call it that — is trash and all she does is pump out milk? Babe, the 1950s called and they want their gender roles back. Cloth mother, on the other hand; she is eating it UP. Her makeup is always on point and that outfit devours every time. I’m as much a feminist as the next baby monkey, so I hate to pit two women against each other, but it’s not even a contest here. Our queen is the #1 most clung-to on ALL the charts; meanwhile, Wire is stuck doing soulless fanservice. Wire might be mommy, but Cloth is Mother.

About Maya Chatrathi 29 Articles
Having only recently gained sentience, Maya Chatrathi is working twice as hard to get up to speed. Please be patient with her through this adjustment period.