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Generous UCLA Admin Gives Week Off For Students To Process Drake-Kendrick Feud

May 8, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — In a move that exemplifies the generosity and kindness they are known for, the UCLA administration announced on Monday that they would give […]

UCLA Offers New Study Abroad Program At Van Nuys Jail

May 7, 2024 Tatiana Davidson 0

Student Who Took Baton To Skull Not Really Feeling Up For Musicology Midterm

May 6, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — After last week’s tumultuous events, fourth-year communications major Jim Boon just cannot seem to rally for his midterm on The Beatles. “I can’t […]

UCLA Provides Police Violence As Safer Alternative To Counter-Protestor Violence

May 5, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — After UCLA student activists were attacked by counter-protestors Tuesday night, university administration immediately handled it 24 hours later by calling cops to brutalize […]

UCLA Admin Release Bruin-Bear Spray

May 3, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

Gene Block’s Balls Chafe From Fence-Sitting

May 1, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — In a campus-wide press release, Gene Block, notoriously radical centrist, announced that his balls are chafing from his rampant fence-sitting. “While this unauthorized, […]

UCLA Dining To Reduce Meal Swipe Value From $9 To One Spoonful Of Gruel

April 30, 2024 Azalea Morris 0

Ackerman Student Union – UCLA Housing announced recently that the meal swipe value will be reduced from nine dollars to one spoonful of cold, chunky […]

Breaking: Every Celebrity Has Now Appeared On Every Other Celebrity’s Podcast, Lifting The Curse And Freeing Us All

April 29, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES — In a development that is sure to bring about nationwide revelry, every single celebrity has now appeared on every other celebrity’s podcast, […]

Throwing Up In Class And Four Other Trends That Have Majorly Fallen Off

April 24, 2024 Adam Nadifi 0

Reminiscing on trends that used to be all the rage but haven’t gotten a lot of attention lately? The Westwood Enabler has you covered. These […]

Bel-Air Property Auction Gets Heated Over Having Best View Of College Town

April 23, 2024 Anya Bergstrom 0

BEL-AIR — In the process of brokering a deal worthy of its property value, a Bel-Air home auction recently got heated over having the best […]

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  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

  • Supreme Court Brings Back Three-Fifths Compromise

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blockbuster 5⅗–2⅗ decision, the Supreme Court has ruled Section 2 of the 14th Amendment unconstitutional, effectively allowing states to declare […]

  • Experimenting Princess Clarifies She “Could Kiss A Frog, But Never Date One”

    FAIRYLAND — Today, one princess set the record straight about her sexual preferences after being caught with a frog. “Even though I had so much […]

  • Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month

    WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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