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Hammer Museum Installation Features Multiple Floors, Door Open/Door Close Buttons

February 17, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—With its futuristic sliding doors and innovative “moving platform”, Michael Hobart’s “Ascension” is the Hammer museum’s latest installation to test the bounds of the contemporary […]

Haunted House Willed to Heirs, If They Can Stay Through One Entire Night

February 16, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

SEATTLE, WA—After hearing of their late great-uncle Alfred Corman’s passing via his obituary in the Seattle Evening Post, siblings Andrew and Pauline Mortensen were left […]

Area Teenager Eats Pint Of Ice Cream Without Wearing Sweatpants

February 14, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

WESTWOOD, CA—Major concerns were raised in the Westwood community early Friday evening after local teenager Dorothy Springer finished off her pint of Cherry Garcia ice […]

Charlie C’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2014 Enabler Staff 0

Roses. Chocolate. Candy hearts. Men snoring while their girlfriends soak up the entire couch watching The Notebook. These are the things that we associate with […]

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Enabler Asks You: What are you doing for Valentines day?

February 13, 2014 Luke Moran 0

It’s that time of year again! Enabler staff hit the campus this week to get the low-down on some of our reader’s plans for Valentine’s […]

UCLA Student Found Dead After Playing Too Much Flappy Bird

February 13, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD–It’s the gaming sensation that’s sweeping the nation–and it’s deadly. Last Tuesday, a UCLA student was found dead in his dorm room after a three-day […]

“Yeah, Bro!” Confirms Frat Brother

February 11, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—An unidentified frat brother speaking on a phone just outside the IM field this morning confirmed that “Yeah, bro!” in direct response to the person […]

Underprepared English Professor To Increase Rate Of Dramatic Pauses In Next Lecture

February 4, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—Sources revealed this morning that English 142 Professor Michael Prinz intends to increase both the frequency and duration of his pauses during tomorrow’s lecture. According […]

Superbowl Analysts Expect Record Number Of Blazings

February 2, 2014 Luke Moran 0

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — In preparation for today’s Superbowl 48, which pits the Seattle Seahawks against the Denver Broncos, officials at MetLife Stadium have completed arrangements for […]

Iran Reveals Plans for Nuclear Waterslide

January 30, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

NEW YORK—In a UN General Assembly meeting last Tuesday, Iranian President Hassan Rouhani was initially reserved when questioned about rumors surrounding the construction of what […]

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  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

  • Supreme Court Brings Back Three-Fifths Compromise

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blockbuster 5⅗–2⅗ decision, the Supreme Court has ruled Section 2 of the 14th Amendment unconstitutional, effectively allowing states to declare […]

  • Experimenting Princess Clarifies She “Could Kiss A Frog, But Never Date One”

    FAIRYLAND — Today, one princess set the record straight about her sexual preferences after being caught with a frog. “Even though I had so much […]

  • Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month

    WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]

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Georgia McNeill
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Sam Rusk
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  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
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