Marco Rubio Forges Doctor’s Note To Get Senate Absences Excused
WASHINGTON, DC — Following months of missed votes and prolonged periods of absences from his Senate duties, Marco Rubio reportedly handed Senate Majority Leader Mitch […]
Mars Sends Probe To Find Water In Central California
SECTOR 81-B, MARS — A group of Martian researchers have launched a probe designed to search for traces of water on Central Californian soil, according […]
Fraternity Gets Black Guy
AUSTIN, TX — In a press release this Sunday, The University of Texas, Austin’s chapter of Xi Pi Phi announced that their newest pledge, Kyle […]
What To Expect From The Hill’s New Fitness Center
The Hill’s new 14,000 square-foot fitness center opens this week, providing on-campus residents with a convenient spot to get in their daily workout. Here are […]
Unmarried Gay Man Braces Himself For Increased Pressure From Family
WEST HOLLYWOOD—Following the legalization of same-sex marriage throughout the United States, local single gay man Brian Dominguez is reportedly preparing himself for a drastic increase […]
Nation Congratulates Gay Friend
UNITED STATES—In light of the Supreme Court’s historic decision legalizing same-sex marriage, citizens across the Nation turned to their gay friend via Facebook message today to congratulate […]
Douchebag Met At Frat Party
WESTWOOD—Christie Temple, first year student at UCLA, expressed vocal surprise regarding an encounter she had with a douchebag at a fraternity party last Thursday. “He […]
POINT: Walk Your Fucking Wheels / COUNTERPOINT: *Whoosh*
Point Walk Your Fucking Wheels! By: Ryan Singh Hey! Watch it, asshole! You almost hit me! Can’t you read the signs?! This is a dismount […]
POINT: Data Mining Violates Our Privacy / COUNTERPOINT: At Least SOMEONE Out There Really Knows Me
POINT Data Mining Violates Our Privacy By: Neil Herrera The government has no right to monitor our personal internet use. They claim they’re doing it […]