Man Excited By Text Realizes It’s Only BruinAlert Testing
WESTWOOD — Area man Justin Chang received a text on Friday evening while sitting at home and flipping between porn and Netflix, only to realize […]
Kid Finally Learns Mom’s Name Not ‘Mom’
LOS ANGELES—Sources report that five-year-old Douglas Stokes has finally learned that his mom’s name is not actually ‘mom.’ “We’re all so proud of our big […]
High School Classmate Discovers Moroccan Food
LOS GATOS, CA—High school classmate Julie Burr discovered Moroccan food earlier this week, sources confirm. “At first I was like wow, this kind of has […]
Young Entrepreneur Really Proud Of Shitty Idea
WESTWOOD — Early this morning, young entrepreneur Brad Bates recently pitched his complete piece of shit business idea to his Finance class and, to the […]
Dreaming Agricultural Science Major Visited By Sagacious Ear Of Corn
COLLEGE STATION, TX—While coquettishly fending off the advances of a sexually aggressive tomato, dreaming Agricultural Science major from Texas A&M University Hannah Joles was visited […]
Area Father Just Swinging By To See What’s Up
WESTWOOD—Curious about his child’s day, local father Hugh Lewis swung by his room to see what’s up. “Hey, just got back from work, so what’s […]
4 Guys Who Are Way Better Than Your Current Fiance
Oh my gosh! Looking for some eye candy? Boy, are we ready for you! Here’s a list of four guys who are way better than […]
Pregnancy And Childbirth Totally Not Worth Shitty Child
ANN ARBOR, MI — Citing the profound uselessness and disrespectful behaviour of her son Brendan, local mother Ann Shapiro says that the nine year old […]
Area Man Unsure If New Friend Republican
LOS ANGELES—Area man and local Democrat Charlie Cohen realized early Thursday that he was unsure if his new friend, Derek Wallace, was a Republican. “Some […]
Girl Scout Sales Surge Since Legalization Of Marijuana
LOS ANGELES — According to Girl Scouts of America, cookie sales in the state of California have grown over 250 percent since Proposition 64 passed […]