UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine
WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]
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Secret Service Visits UCLA To Prepare For 2028 Olympics And Definitely No Other Reason
WESTWOOD – When questioned about why they were lingering around campus this week, plainclothes Secret Service agents reiterated that they were just at UCLA to […]
Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week
WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]
One Year Later: Police Reprise Role As Useless Bystanders
WESTWOOD — Nearing the one-year anniversary of the encampment, police can once again be seen standing around Royce doing jack shit. “What?” said Sergeant Rogers, […]
N-Ass-Tural Selection: New UCLA Study Links Living Higher Up The Hill With Fatter Ass, Getting More Bitches
WESTWOOD — A team of UCLA researchers published a groundbreaking study showing that students who live farther up on the Hill end up, on average, […]
Opinion: Too Bad, AFSCME! We Are Spending Five Million Dollars On A New Quarterback
Dear Bruin Community: At UCLA, promoting the well-being of the Bruin family is our top priority. As your Chancellor, I do all kinds of […]
UC Berkeley Mysteriously Vanishes
BERKELEY — At approximately 4:20 PM, the East Bay was shocked to discover that their beloved campus of UC Berkeley had disappeared. “I’ve never seen […]
UCLA Radio Announces Which Queer-Baiting Bay Area White Girl Has Won The Indie-Off
526 LANDFAIR — After secretly watching countless carabiner-clad brunettes with nose piercings attend their parties at the Compound backlot, the UCLA Radio Events team has […]
Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge
WESTWOOD — According to the National Roommate Association, a dangerous new craze is sweeping the nation: the “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” challenge. “HEYYYYYYY whatsgoinonguysitsyaboy […]