WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for thinking about Palestine. “I mean, you know the P in ESP stands for Police, right? Mind-reading’s a part of our academy training – that’s how I could tell that behind that neutral expression, they were chanting ‘from the river to the sea’ in their head,” said one officer, unrolling a “Mission Accomplished” banner from the top of Powell. “Whew, we got them, boys! Who knows what would’ve happened if we didn’t immediately throw them in the back of one of our 20 conveniently placed cop trucks. Donuts in the break room!” At press time, bike cops were seen placing gates around Royce Quad to create a “Free Think Zone.”
