Opinion: My Scooby Doo Costume Is Not “Inappropriate,” My Balls Are Supposed To Hang Out Like That
I am absolutely sick and tired of everyone asking me the same question. I’ve walked around this party all night trying to make pleasant, simple […]
Opinion
Opinion: The Pope Isn’t As Hot As My Dad
VATICAN CITY — How many times do I have to say this? Pope Francis isn’t the hottest old white guy out there! Every freaking time […]
3 Signs the Girl Who Liked Your Post in the Class GroupMe Is in Love With You
You have been looking for some romance, but never thought you might find it in your chemistry group chat with 589 people. After replying to […]
Opinion: Masks Make It Impossible to Hear My Professor, Also Being Asleep
On the first day of fall quarter, I walked into class five to forty minutes late and saw a sea of masks — blue, black, […]
Op-Ed: Jesus Christ, My Heel Hurts So Much
I went to the doctor the other day. I had been having stabbing pains in my heel for well over a decade. My wife, John […]
Guy Making Jokes In Lecture Chat Releases Netflix Special
WESTWOOD — Third-year psychobiology student Neil Korsch is preparing to release a Netflix stand-up comedy special later this month after his critically acclaimed set in […]
Op-Ed: Everyone Is Getting COVID Without Me And I Have Major FOMO
How would you feel if every day you checked the news and saw that hundreds of thousands of people were going to a party, and […]
UCLA Campus Available To Sublet Spring Quarter, Utilities Included
WESTWOOD — At 3 a.m. PST Monday morning, the UCLA Board of Directors released a statement on the “UCLA Free And For Sale” Facebook page […]
Op-Ed: I’m Tired Of Writing Fluff Pieces For The Westwood Enabler
As a member of the premiere satirical newspaper at UCLA, I personally feel like I’m being held back. I know I got what it takes […]
Op-Ed: Our Carbon Footprints Aren’t As Big As Our Carbon Assprints
To preface this argument, I would just like to acknowledge that I care about society a lot. I do think that the climate is changing […]