3 Signs the Girl Who Liked Your Post in the Class GroupMe Is in Love With You
You have been looking for some romance, but never thought you might find it in your chemistry group chat with 589 people. After replying to […]
Life
Student Realizes Quarantine Not The Problem
WESTWOOD — After skipping her first week of in-person classes to lie in bed and watch YouTube videos about 16th century ship-building techniques, third-year Cognitive […]
New Disney Film to Include Studio’s 25th First Gay Character
BURBANK — In a promotional interview for the Walt Disney Company’s newest animated feature, Encanto, CEO Bob Chapek revealed that the film would include the […]
UCLA Doubles Down On “Zero Waste 2020”
WESTWOOD — On Tuesday, Chancellor Gene Block reaffirmed in an address to the university that UCLA will be waste-free by 2020. “Although we are well […]
Inclusivity Win! This Sorority Flyers to Girls With BMIs Over 22
WESTWOOD — Sigma Alpha Alpha president Ashleigh Watkyns made history Monday when she handed a Fall Rush recruitment flyer to a girl with a BMI […]
Opinion: Masks Make It Impossible to Hear My Professor, Also Being Asleep
On the first day of fall quarter, I walked into class five to forty minutes late and saw a sea of masks — blue, black, […]
Sorry Professor! My Dog Ate My Daily Symptom Survey
WESTWOOD — Oops! Fourth-year Leila Bandowitz informed her professor this morning she does not have her daily symptom survey due to her dog’s appetite for […]
Room Temperature Tap Water Sends Student Into Anaphylactic Shock
WESTWOOD — Third-year English student Cody Carter was rushed to Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center on Friday after sipping room temperature tap water that he […]
Area Man’s Art Still Sucks Despite Depression Diagnosis
PORTLAND, OR — After several unlucky years spent developing his craft, things were finally starting to look up for local painter Chuck Picasso (no relation) […]
Only Time Student Pays Attention to Tell Professor Mic Not Working
WESTWOOD — Second-year biology major Jennifer McGonnifer unmuted herself during a Zoom lecture on Wednesday to tell the professor his audio was not working, although […]