“The Bugs Are Just Eating Me Out Today!” Says Person Who Doesn’t Understand Sex Terms
SALT LAKE CITY — On a nature walk this afternoon, local sex-term-not-understander Virgil Cox stated that the bugs were “just eating [them] out.” “Man, these […]
Health
Yes, Your Duffl Racer Is Judging Your 10 a.m. Vape Purchase
WESTWOOD — Sam McQueen, 5th-year electric scooter major, reports that as soon as your order came in, all the employees started making snarky comments and […]
Best Ways To Stay Cool And Mysterious After Tripping Over An Electric Scooter
WESTWOOD — We’ve all been there, strutting down the sidewalk, listening to Radiohead and scowling occasionally so that people know you’ve got a dark secret, […]
Fat Sal’s Goes On Ozempic
WESTWOOD — In an attempt to rebrand as a skinny queen, Fat Sal’s is saying bye-bye to grease and hello to semaglutide in its famous […]
Westwood’s Willies Go Wonka: Chlamydia Outbreak Following Timothée Chalamet Appearance
WESTWOOD — After the premiere of Timothée Chalamet’s new film Wonka, hundreds of thousands of students have flooded the Ashe Student Health Center and tested […]
Yikes! Pre-Med Conducts Emergency Surgery Using LS7A and Grey’s Anatomy
WESTWOOD — First-year biology major Jeffrey Smith bravely executed an impromptu surgery on his lab partner last Thursday in La Kretz using Life Science 7A […]
ROTC Cadet Makes CAPS Appointment For Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder
WESTWOOD — Third-year ROTC Cadet Sammy Patriot has been desperately calling the CAPS crisis hotline to speak about his self-diagnosed Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). “I […]
Coughers In Your Lecture Actually Experimental A Cappella Group
WESTWOOD – In an exclusive Westwood Enabler interview, third-year physiological science major Ian Fluenza, spokesperson for the coughers in your lecture, announced that everyone coughing […]
UCLA To Open Rendez Midwest Offering Daily Casserole Specials
MIDWESTWOOD — UCLA Dining has unveiled plans to expand its Rendezvous West & East dining halls with an extension focused on a different regional cuisine: […]
“What’s The World’s Smartest Dinosaur? A Thesaurus!” And 3 Other Silly Jokes About Dinosaurs And Thesauruses To Impress Your Unresponsive Father
Just a well-written joke all around! The multiple synonyms at the end really make that punchline hit hard, and your father will definitely see that […]