Congrats Seniors! Studies Find People Actually Turn To Sand After Graduating College
WESTWOOD — As students graduate and begin their careers as baristas and consultants for their dad’s company, newly minted adults can find comfort in the […]
Bruinwalk
Gene Block One Well-Worded Email Away From World Peace
WESTWOOD — After sending multiple emails about the current “conflicts” happening both on campus and internationally, Gene Block is reportedly just one well-worded email away […]
Person Who Woke Up For 8 AM Lived Ten Lifetimes By Time You Woke Up
SAMSARA – Local history major and winner of the self-given “bravest and most grizzled person of all time” award Jenette Broxton is reported to have […]
Student Who Took Baton To Skull Not Really Feeling Up For Musicology Midterm
WESTWOOD — After last week’s tumultuous events, fourth-year communications major Jim Boon just cannot seem to rally for his midterm on The Beatles. “I can’t […]
UCLA Dining To Reduce Meal Swipe Value From $9 To One Spoonful Of Gruel
Ackerman Student Union – UCLA Housing announced recently that the meal swipe value will be reduced from nine dollars to one spoonful of cold, chunky […]
Opinion: Being A DJ Was Too Hard, See You In Class
When I first got in the studio, I thought I was set for life. No more MyUCLA, no more Death Stairs to climb, no more […]
Best Ways To Stay Cool And Mysterious After Tripping Over An Electric Scooter
WESTWOOD — We’ve all been there, strutting down the sidewalk, listening to Radiohead and scowling occasionally so that people know you’ve got a dark secret, […]
Fifth-Year Continuing To Major In “Fundecided”
WESTWOOD — Long-term student Brody Martin, currently enrolled in his fifteenth quarter, informed his counselor Monday that he is taking a lighter course load this […]
“It’s Just Seasonal Depression,” Says Student During Spring Quarter
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Primrose Miller claimed Monday that their depression is just seasonal, despite it being week eight of spring quarter. “I’m usually totally fine. […]
Scooter Reaches Mach 5 Down Bruinwalk
WESTWOOD— Students were shocked this morning when student athlete Will B. Quick achieved the speed of Mach 5 scootering down Bruinwalk. “All I saw was […]