Theater Majors And Hooligans Have “Lame-Off”
WESTWOOD — After increasing conflict between Theater majors and the HOOLIGAN Theater Company, the groups announced they would be having an interpretive battle in the […]
Bruinwalk
Infamous Dykstra Urinal Shitter Moves To Hedrick Hall Showers
WESTWOOD — Dykstra Hall residents braced themselves this morning, expecting the usual mound of high grade, Epicuria-produced shit sitting on top of their communal urinals, […]
Backpacking Club Announces Trip To Public Affairs Building
WESTWOOD — This Friday, the UCLA Backpacking Club announced it will be taking its advanced group on the 15-mile trek from Gardenia to the Public […]
UCLA Opens “B-ruining Lives” Resource Center For Student Anti-Wellbeing
WESTWOOD — To combat the unprofitable number of students who exhibit reasonable sleep schedules and a healthy work-life balance, the UCLA Copious Amounts of Pessimistic […]
De Neve Oyster Night Ends As Expected
WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday night, what was supposed to be a celebratory evening with unlimited raw bivalves at the least refined dining hall ended in […]
Uh Oh! Student’s Twelfth Grandparent Just Died
WESTWOOD — Last Sunday, second-year Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics major Calvin Dozer revealed that his Step-Step-Grandpappy just died, making this the twelfth grandparent dead […]
Bruin Walk Sales Revealed To Be First Level Of Purgatory
BRUIN WALK — In an exclusive interview with the Enabler, prolific Bruin Walk salesperson Ven Moe disclosed today that selling wares on the well-trod pathway […]
A Letter To Prospective Student Tour Groups: I’m Better Than You
Dear prospective student tour groups, I was once like you. Young, naïve, a newbie to the UCLA campus jungle. What separates me from you, though, […]
Top 5 Dining Hall Beverages That Taste Like Squirt
For such a pathetic lay like myself, squirt comes around just about as often as this drink. Also, much like the splash zones I’ve experienced, […]
