Fifth-Year Continuing To Major In “Fundecided”

WESTWOOD — Long-term student Brody Martin, currently enrolled in his fifteenth quarter, informed his counselor Monday that he is taking a lighter course load this quarter to discover his life’s purpose. “I took prereqs in about eighteen different departments, but nothing has piqued my interest yet,” said Martin, who had just received a restraining order from his twelfth academic counselor. “My first counselor said that I should focus on general education requirements before choosing a major, so that’s what I’ve been doing for the past five years.” At press time, Martin had dropped out of school to start a personal finance podcast.