Academy Accidentally Leaks Next Year’s “In Memoriam” Segment
LOS ANGELES — Members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences are attempting damage control following reports that next year’s Oscars “In Memoriam” […]
Ethnomusicology Student Caught Listening To Maroon 5 On Spotify
WESTWOOD — Third-year ethnomusicology major Sebastian Arrow-Gantz lost his musical authority Monday morning when his Spotify listening activity revealed that he was playing Maroon 5 […]
Study Finds Earth Could Be Too Hot For Light Jackets By 2050
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a revelatory study released last week, the Environmental Protection Agency claimed that not too bad, but slightly chilly days may be […]
High School “A” Student Excited to be College “A” Student
WESTWOOD — In a declaration made to her life sciences study group last week, first-year nursing student Amanda Stein made it clear that because she […]
Area Man Googles “Kurd”
BUFFALO, NY — As the nation grapples with the Trump Administration’s decision to remove troops from Syria, area man Thomas Pitt took the drastic measure […]
Radio DJ Wonders If November Too Early To Start Playing Jonestown Tapes
INDIANAPOLIS — WZPL radio host Zack N. Cody once again faces an annual question: how early is too early to start playing the Jonestown Tapes […]
Op-Ed: As An Intellectual, I Eagerly Await The Return Of Rick And Morty
Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines “Wubba lubba dub dub” as an expression of jubilation, an exclamation of pure joy, and a rallying battle cry of the […]
Midterms Finish Just In Time For Midterms
WESTWOOD — Bruins finally breathed a sigh of relief as midterms wrapped up this week, just in time for midterms to begin first thing next […]
Fossil Free UC Misunderstanding Leads To Loss Of Archaeology Department
WESTWOOD — In what is being called a “cultural tragedy,” the UCLA archaeology department was abolished last Wednesday after all of its materials were incinerated […]
Cole Sprouse Admits He Absorbed Third Sprouse Child In Womb
LOS ANGELES — Earlier this week during an informal interview inside of an Applebee’s, Cole Sprouse revealed that he absorbed his third brother, Sheldon, while […]